Wow, I'm such a shithead.

Wow, I'm such a shithead. Today was my 1 year anniversary with my girlfriend. I forgot. She wanted me to come over but I said no because I wanted to head out early to where I was planning to be. I didn't realise it was the day of our anniversary. She got mad at me and I didn't know why. I got mad at her because I felt like I didn't do anything wrong. I'm such a shithead. I feel horrible. Wow. Just wow. How could I be such a bad fucking boyfriend. Wow. I get that some people will read this and think "oh it's just 1 year try 20" but that's not the point this is my life and these things will affect me differently and I feel like shit. I am so sorry. I feel fucking horrible. I'm so sorry.

Fuarkkkkk it's been ages

Greetings, dear readers. I don't know who actually reads this. LEWL! Anyhow, just a post at 1:30am because I want to. I don't know why but I want to recap events. Since August, not too much has happened. Well, a lot has, but nothing bad. A few disagreements here and there with the Missus but that's normal. WE FIGHT OVER FOOD. Yeah, things have just been quite splendid as of recent. We're passing through the "six-to-nine-month" period at the moment. Apparently, it's a time where if you can get through it, things would be more smooth sailing afterwards? I don't know. Things are just real cool at the moment.

I met her dad for the first time! I don't think he likes me. HAHAHAHA I met him at a wedding ceremony and when Chelsea introduced me as her boyfriend, her dad kept telling the other guests that I was a friend from school. HOWEVER, at the reception, he was a wee bit tipsy and as the night ended for me, Chelsea was saying goodbye to her dad and when he shook me hand, he told me, "look after her for me, okay?" I was quite astonished. So was Chelsea. I think everyone was. So yeah, I'm confused as to whether he accepted me or not. 8(

Um, not sure what else to say. I've started hitting the gym with Clark Kent. 8D Had leg day on Thursday and I died. Mmm. That burn though. HAHAHAHA

Hm, well, let me just write (I typed 'right' instead of 'write' first) a letter for my loveliest and most dear, Chelsea Nguyen, for I would be lost in this vastly odd world if it were not for her.

Dear Chelsea, my beloved,
    You have brought me a great deal of joy and happiness. I have a great deal of respect for you as a person. Not just because you are my girlfriend, but as a person, you are extraordinary. This is not an exaggeration, you are absolutely extraordinary. Although you are so cruel to some people and you despise them, I can see that you have a truly caring heart. You would comfort someone whom you absolutely despise (COUGH SHANELLE COUGH). Anyhow! You're absolutely kind at heart even though you disguise it with the facade of hatred, and that's amazing. I love that about you; the way you can easily comfort a person and defend a person based not on the view of others but of your own opinion. Your personality has the tendency to change quite often. You get extremely cute when you're pouty and want something. c: When you're giggly and bubbly, you let out the cutest laugh like omfgiwanttobealloveryourightnow. But yeah, the respect I have for you is immense. Even if you and I were to have a bad ending in regards to our relationship, I wouldn't be able to degrade you or put your name into disrepute. You are that much of a person and yet I hear of people who try and bring you down. Worthless scum. I understand that I sound somewhat obsessive about you right now but what I type is true. Respect. You know how to have fun and at the same time you know when to be responsible. That is an amazing trait that will get you places. Places in my heart in which you have already stolen. ;D

    I don't want you to ever leave my life. You are amazing. We disagree much too often, but you are just amazing. I can talk to you about issues that arise within my life. You give me feedback on my issues, you don't just hear it. You listen, and you respond, and I appreciate that beyond any action of gratitude. You have a hold over me. I love you. ♥

A letter, to my dearest.

Dear Chelsea,

I love you. I understand that I say that very often but every time that I do, I mean it. I try and I try to express to you exactly how much I love you but nothing can describe just how much I love you.

I have known you for a good two or so years now and over the course of our friendship, there were several times that I had developed feelings for you. I blew them off, thinking that it was stupid and pointless and I thought that it was just something I did where I imagined a future with someone and see what it would be like. However, the thing that set the difference between that and me actually liking you was the fact that it kept creeping back to me without me even realising it.

Pretty crazy, huh? I cannot say that I have never imagined myself being with you, because I have but, the feeling I am getting now actually being with you is absolutely unimaginable. I never expected such strong feelings to develop between you and I, and I am so glad that they did. I am so glad that I was able to meet you. I am so glad that I was able to get to know you. I am so glad that you responded to me when I talked to you. I am so glad just to have you in my life. I have said this before but I will say it again; even if you and I did not get together, I would still be insanely happy and grateful to have you in my life as a best friend, and I still am ashamed of myself for having hid that fact a while back.

But still, after all of this silent chaos that the two of us has had, liking each other and not realising it, things still turned out swimmingly. I know and understand that we will have our days where we will not agree on everything, and we may even argue and get upset with each other, but I know that in the end, you still love me for me, and that you will not let me go over a petty argument, and I hope that you realise that I feel the same way about you. I may get mad, I may get upset, but in the end, you will always be the most wonderful person that I was able to stumble upon.

Why we met, considering how different we are, I do not know, and I do not care. I am just glad that we met. I remember a question you posed me a while back; you asked me how you have impacted my life. At the time, I could not answer, but now, I realise that you bring me true happiness.

This sort of happiness is the happiness that one would expect from a child with no worries in the world. This happiness is one where I do not have to feel any hidden sadness under my smiles. This happiness is a happiness that I will never wish to go away. This happiness makes me feel positive about myself and my future. This happiness, this is the happiness that I so long for.

This relationship, this is what I have always wanted; one where I am able to speak to you about anything at any time and feel reassured that you will help me or assist me. You have given me so much more than I expected. You understand me. Understanding me is quite a task, if I say so myself, and you manage to understand me before I need to explain.

Chelsea, you have no idea just how much I love you. It is insane. It is profound. It is spectacular. It is mind-blowing.

It is real.

Chelsea, my darling, I love you.

1. If you've ever tried drugs or alcohol, what was your reason for first trying it?
I've tried alcohol but not drugs. I tried alcohol just to see what effect it would have on me and what it tasted like.
2. Do you think you could ever have an abortion if you unexpectedly turned up pregnant right this second?
Hm, I'm assuming that these questions were designed for a woman, so I'll try to adapt it to a male's perspective. I don't think I could ever ask a girl to get aborted if I impregnated her. I mean, it would be my fault, but it'd be her choice since it's her body.
3. If you were far from home and needed to sleep for the night, would you choose to rent a crappy motel room for $60 or sleep in your car for free?
Shit, I don't know. Probably sleep in my car for free.
4. Is there someone you feel hatred for currently?
Well, the most hatred I feel is for some crazy bitch with a Squishy brain because obviously nothing is going smoothly up there.
5. Is there a situation where you caved into peer pressure and regretted it?
Hm, nope. I'm usually the one applying the pressure so yeah. 8D
6. Are you in a relationship?
Why, yes I am. A very lovely one too.
7. Is there something you want to say to someone?
Yes, I say this to that Squishy brain bitch: "Get yo shit together. You're gonna get fucked up one day by some other crazy ass bitch and you are going to regret it like a motherfucker."
8. Do you have trust issues?
Not really. I tell people everything if they ask. Odd.
9. Would you ever bleach your hair platinum blonde?
Fuck no.
10. Has someone hurt your feelings recently? Do they know they did?
No, nobody's hurt my feelings.
11. Are you interested in anyone currently?
Yes, I'm very interested in someone. Bitch be cray.
12. Have you had sex in 2013 yet?
Yes.
13. Who last slept in your bed besides you?
Nobody's slept in bed with me. :\ If you consider a nap, then Chelsea.
14. What time did you wake up today?
Five fucking fifteen.
15. Last person you kissed?
Chelsea.
16. If you could do anything right now what would it be?
Sleep with Chelsea.
17. If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose?
LiL Jon. Just so I can scream out "YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
18. Are you a sensitive person?
I consider myself to be quite sensitive at times.
19. What’s the last song you heard?
A Get Low cover.
20. When you say you love someone, do you mean it?
Of course I do.
21. Do you think the last (fe)male to tell you he loved you meant it?
Yes, I absolutely do.
22. Do you still talk to any of your ex’s?
Nope. I would if they talked to me but you know, I don't think they like me very much.
23. As of this minute, what is going through your mind?
I am fucking starving.
24. Where’s the last place you went?
Chelsea's place.
25. Have you held hands with anyone lately?
Chelsea.
26. Has anyone let you down recently?
No. I feel like I let someone down today though. 8(
27. Does it bother you when people try to make you jealous?
Fuck yes it does.
28. What is something you hate about one/any of your friends?
David, how he talks a lot of slander and he is always dissing anything that other people like.
29. Do you have more than $50 in your room?
Yes.
30. Are both of your blood parents still in your life?
Yes, they are.
31. Were you tired when you woke up this morning?
Obviously. Who the fuck wakes up at 5:15am and not feel tired?
32. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
Mah h8erssssssssssss LOL Nah, I don't think anyone other than my ex's. Even then, I don't think they are.
33. When was the last time you wanted someone you couldn't have?
Two years ago.
34. Do you sometimes wake up in the morning, lay in bed and think about life?
Well, not recently, but I used to do that on a daily basis.
35. What is something you miss?
I miss good internet. Someone that I miss, though, is my girlfriend. Already. lewl.
36. Do you have drama in your life?
Nope, I do not believe I do.

• 01: Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.

My current relationship is in an 'official' relationship. Yeah, it's an odd relationship. Not many people really understand the situation that her and I had before any of this happened. But yahknow, I might leave that for another post. Let's just say, my current relationship with Chelsea is excellent. Perhaps beyond excellent. Actually, it's definitely beyond excellent. 

• 02: Where you’d like to be in 10 years.

I'd like to be living in my house, on the couch, with my wife, and possibly children, enjoying a family show and just being awesome. 

• 03: Your views on drugs and alcohol.

 I really want to get high or drunk. Not because I'm like, some hardcore party animal, I just want to experience it. I reckon they're not so bad, and that they're not so addictive. I believe it's just people with addictive personalities which cause them to be assumed as an addiction. 

• 04: Your views on religion.

I am born into a Catholic family, but I do not consider myself a Catholic. I don't mind any religion, I just like to read about what their morals and such are and if it sounds good to me, then that's it; I don't believing in subjecting oneself to one thing, but instead just follow everything so long as you think it's right. 

• 05: A time you thought about ending your own life.

There were a few times about three or four years ago, and for no good reason. I just felt unhappy with my life at the time because I always felt like I wasn't worth anything in the world and just felt that it would be a much better place without me in it. 

• 07: Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.

 http://www.astrology.com.au/astrology/12-signs-of-the-zodiac/leo.html

Well, I think it mostly fits in with my personality. Some of it is a little off in my opinion, but hey, that's just me. 

• 08: A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.

 The moment of that is when I decided to do something for myself, for once, and not give a second thought on what others would say. The moment I made a choice to benefit myself and finally just make a choice that I could be happy and content about. It was the moment I accepted that I was in love with my best friend. 

• 09: How you hope your future will be like.

Rainbows. Unicorns. I just hope it will be good, with a hint of down times. 

• 10: Discuss your first love and first kiss.

 My first love was a very wild one. For almost a year, I spent all my time trying to impress her and get her to notice me. I learned how to fold more complicated pieces of origami and I tried to get into similar things as her. I basically tried to change myself completely. After a while, though, I thought that I got over her, but it all changed the following year, when she said she had feelings for me. I'm not sure why, but I still couldn't get over her, even though I felt so hurt from her actions. So, I asked her to be my girlfriend again and she said yes. For the first part of the relationship, things were good and things flowed greatly, but I was not too sure what happened after that. I was still inexperienced, so I wasn't sure what was going on. I always made it that it was my fault that she wouldn't want to talk to me or be with me, or just be around me. I always felt like I was unwanted by her, and at the time, it really destroyed me inside. I didn't say anything, and I do realise that was stupid of me, because it's only now that I realise that I should speak my mind, and just let my opinions get across because they're just as important as another's. But yeah, after a while, things just got too much for me, and I let all my anger out in a short burst, and it just went to the shits. Her and I broke up, and after, I had hoped to get back with her, but I was still hurt subconsciously and I sorta had a rebound girl. (I KNOW, IT'S FUCKING SAD OF ME BUT IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, SHE SORTA WAS. IT'S NOT LIKE I INTENDED IT TO BE LIKE THAT). Anyhow, that's the story of my first love. My first kiss was a peck from my first love after school one day and at the time, I was like, 'holy hell, did that just happen? Am I even alive? Is this reality? Can someone punch me and tell me this is real?' and yeah, I was just really hyped up about it. 

• 11: Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
• Whistle - Flo Rida
•  Tilted - Lupe Fiasco
• Draft 3 - Beast
• I'm Just So Impressed - Bei Maejor
•  Halo (Cover) - Ahmir
• AUO - Shin Hyesung
• Tarzan & Jane - Toybox
• Simple Things - Usher
•  Tik Tok (Parody) - The Midnight Beast
•  Bubble Pop - Hyuna

• 12: Bullet your whole day.

1. played LoL
2. did my business
3. slept
4. woke up
5. played LoL
6. showered
7. did the laundry
8. ate
9. took medicine
10. played LoL
11. texted mah babyboothang and she was stressing
12. played some LoL
13. did my business
14. went out to Inala
15. had a talk with a random man
16. met up with my boothang
17. went to Healthy Cup
18. went to Woolworths
19. walked back to her place
20. ate
21. chilled
22. went home
23. watched a bit of Jack, The Giant Slayer
24. plucked grey hair out of my mum's head
25. continued the movie
26. finished the movie
27. logged on Skype and chatted with my boothang
28. called her
29. she hung up
30. called her back
31. didn't pick up
32. she called me
33. picked up
34. she hung up
35. she called back
36. talked for a while
37. she went to bed
38. and now I'm doing this for some odd reason. 

• 13: Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.

I would love to visit Japan. Buy all the anime merchandise! 

• 14: Your earliest memory.

 I was in preschool, I was playing with blocks, someone took one, awesome dude (Peter Le) got it back for me. Tears of joy rolled. :') 

• 15: Your favorite tumblrs.

 I don't tumblr much. 

• 16: Your views on mainstream music.

 It's aight. Too damn catchy for my liking. >8[

• 17: Your highs and lows of this past year.

 My highs have definitely been Chelsea. My absolute biggest high. My lows would be, I don't know. Not really many lows. Probably realising that I used someone to get over my own problem subconsciously. 

• 18: Your beliefs.

 My beliefs are that people should live life to be happy. Sure, some people are psychotic and murderous, but I'm talking about being happy in a way that is good for yourself, but not in any way bad for another person. As long as you're happy, and it's not impeding in anyone else's privacy or their own beliefs, then it's all good. 

• 19: Disrespecting your parents.

 It's horrible. I do my best to respect my parents, but sometimes it's just too difficult. But it's nothing bad like, swearing at them, it's just feeling a bit spiteful at times. 

• 20: How important you think education is.

 I think it is damn important, especially in these times. With all the texting and shortcuts when typing online, it's hideous. Children need to be educated correctly, and need to be educated in what matters and what affects them. Children should learn what their surroundings are and they should be taught acceptance. 

• 21: One of your favorite shows.

 Show as in anime or like, white people shows? If anime, I'd probably have to say Fairy Tail. If white people shows, I'd say I don't know. I don't watch television much. 

• 22: How have you changed in the past 2 years?

 I have changed a lot. I've learned how to be more assertive, I've learned how to be happier with myself and the choices I make, I've learned that the world isn't over when things go wrong and that I should strive to make life better for myself when things are in the dump. I feel like I've changed and turned into a better person. 

• 23: Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.

 Too lazy to find any photos. Plus I don't really find guys attractive. ._.

• 24: Your favorite movie and what it’s about.

 My favourite movie would probably have to be The Pursuit of Happiness. The movie is about a man who is trying his hardest to make a living and just be successful for the sake of his child. His wife left him. Everyday, he would go around, and try to sell his product. Though he is not successful, he looks for a job. All he needed was a break, and he got it. The point of the movie was to tell the audience to do what they want, and not let anyone tell them they can't do something. 

• 25: Someone who fascinates you and why.

 Someone who fascinates me would be, I don't know. The only person that fascinates me the most right now would probably be my girlfriend, and I'm not just saying that because she's my girlfriend. I say so because she's so strong-willed, and she's just plain awesome. Although she has problems of her own, she wouldn't let that get in the way of her helping other people with their problems. 

• 26: What kind of person attracts you.

 Someone who can let loose, generally most of the time. Someone who is willing to cope with all my bullshit and embarrassing personality. Someone who can laugh at a joke about poop one moment and still hold an intelligent conversation the next. Someone who understands me, basically. 

• 27: A problem that you have had.

 Expressing myself and my own opinion. 

• 28: Something that you miss.

 Childhood. The innocence that I once held is the only proof that I wasn't always like the way I am; filthy. 

• 29: Goals for the next 30 days.

 Save money. Eat more. Man up. 

• 30: Your highs and lows of this month.

Well, it only just started really, but the high was something that I'd rather not discuss on here. Let's just say, it was a sensual high. Lows of this month would be spending too much money at work after earning it. :(

3 is the magic number.

Hello, all. It has been a while. I don't really know how many people read this so I shall just write as if I am explaining something to someone else.  :D 

I spent a good three days with Chelsea, my soon to be boothang. I don't know when it's gonna happen, but it's gonna happen. 

On Friday, I went to her place after she finished her oral at school, because she was too lazy to go to cross country (IT WAS YOUR LAST CROSS COUNTRY) and I spent most of the day just relaxing with her and enjoying each other's company. Prior to all this, though, we had talked about kissing and whatnot and I brought up the topic of The Triangle. The Triangle is an indication of wanting to kiss or be kissed. The triangle goes from one eye to the other, then the lips, and back to the first eye. Mmm, dat triangle. But continuing with the story, we were staring at each other’s eyes and I kept staring at her and she kept switching between both eyes. I was waiting for the triangle. She told me she did the triangle, but I kept staring. Huehuehue but after a while, I went in for it. Mmmm that moment of ‘holy shit, oh damn, WHOOOOOO, YOU’RE IN BRAH, Mmm I wonder how she’s feeling, DAYUM BROTHER, control them emotions’ and more, but I just can’t really put it into words. But yeah, spent the day just being cuddly and shizmanilly.

Moving along, it’s Saturday. We had decided to head out to the city on Saturday and watch a movie, Warm Bodies. The movie wasn’t that exhilarating, but it really cut into your emotions like a hot butter knife. There were funny moments, and in my opinion, they were seriously funny, but they never lasted long. Bitches, man. But anyway, the movie ended and we went to window shop for a bit. We went to Ice but that was closed so we went to Colette, which was also closed. We then decided to go to Myer, in the perfume section. Originally, I was looking for cologne for myself, but we were greeted by a worker in the perfume section.
He gave us suggestions as to what smelled nice and there were two that caught her attention. I can’t remember the names because, you know, it’s me. :D But yeah, there was one that was expensive as fuck and one that was limited addition and on sale, so naturally, being the easily persuaded little shit I am, I wanted to buy it for her, because she seemed to really enjoy that smell. She was going all spastic and shit because I said I was going to buy it, but I know she wanted it. Huehuehuehue >=D The worker gave us a few samples each and I’m currently wearing Davidoff ‘The Game.’ It’s okay, but I’m still not sure whether I like this one or Champion. Oh wells, we’ll see. :D
But yeah, after we finished at Myer, we walked for a bit and then decided to eat at Matdongsan or someshit, I can’t remember. Gosh, I can’t remember anything. T_T So, we went up, ordered food and we talked for a long while. She was all like, ‘I’m paying for dinner man!’ and I was like, ‘okay okay,’ but I decided to pay anyways, and she had no idea what was going on. Huehuehue >=) But yeah, she spazzed more at me and I kept grinning like =D Because you know, yolo. Buy yeah, caught the bus and headed back to her place. Spent a long time at her place and I just kept pushing my leave time, because I didn’t want to go and she didn’t want me to go so I stayed for an extra hour or so. We kissed a little. She kissed me mid-speech, many times. Mmm felt good. Faggot side of me inside was all like, ‘OH DAYUM, BRO, SHE ALL OVER YOU. YOU IN BRAHS. YOU IN FO SHO.’ But yeah, that’s what I was thinking to myself. :D Then after a while of constant fear of her mum walking in, I had to leave, because it was already 9:50. It was really dark so I took the somewhat longer path home, in case of being attacked in the dark.

Now, we shall move on, to Sunday. Sunday was pretty awesome I reckon. I went to have lunch with her after she finished JAC. For some reason, I doubt she did much work, but that’s no relevant. I went to eat at a restaurant with her and then after we finished eating and talking, we went to her auntie, who was driving us back to her place. I met her two little cousins. One was shy and the other was outgoing. I’d explain everything I did but that’d take way too long. So, I’ll just sum it up and say that I spent a while mucking around and entertaining the kids while her and her auntie were looking at some papers. After she’d finished, she was all trying to get the kids away from me, because she was jealous of them. Huehuehue. She played some kiddy ass anime and the kids were paying their full attention and her and I went into the room. At first it was all just little bit of this, little bit of that, and then I started getting adventurous.  I’m pretty sure you people know what I mean considering past blogs and such. Lewl.

I guess in summary of the three-day-fun-time, Friday was a getting to know where we at phase, Saturday was putting theory into practice, and Sunday was Adventure Time. And might I add, I loved all three days. It was great for me and I hope that it was more than great for her.

I really enjoy this feeling that I get when I’m with her. I don’t know, it’s just different, but in a good way, and I’m glad that she’s the one that I can feel it with. This is probably the first time that I’ve done something for myself and made myself happy, but I’m also glad that in the process, I could make someone else happy. I’m glad that she’s the one I can have a feeling of self-indulgence but also feel like I’m sharing the self-indulgence. I don’t even know if I’m making sense anymore but yeah! Sharing a feeling of self-indulgence makes total sense.

Anyhow, time to wrap this up from when I started writing it (9:30am ish).

Have a good day, my lovelies.

MunkeeBoii~  

Had a talk with my mum in the car about mah boothang. LOL

Can't really remember but it the information leading up to the section I wanna talk about was that I brought up why she was afraid of my mum and such like that. It was related to being loud and it went sorta like this:

Me: Because she's loud??
Mum: If she's loud then she has to fix it
Me: Fix it? But that's who she is, you can't fix that. Everyone's different!
Mum: And that's exactly why she should fix it!
Me: That makes no sense! What if I like her loud and crazy???
Mum: She still has to fix it! If she doesn't, then she won't be liked by your parents or grandparents. They won't even want to look at you when you're at your wedding!
Me: But it's my happiness! It's what I want! You're you and I'm me and we want different things!
Mum: But look at me and your dad. I'm not loud and that's why she should change herself to be more quiet.
Me: Oh, so you're saying you're perfect??
Mum: No, but I'm quiet.
Me: But I don't want quiet! It's boring!
Mum: But when choosing your partner, you have to think about your family and what they think about them.
Me: BUT IT'S MY CHOICE. I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY THINK. IT'LL BE MY OWN HAPPINESS. IF THEY DON'T WANNA LOOK AT ME AGAIN THEN FINE.

Then I just walked into the house muttering to myself. lewl.